Do you choose to sit and watch television? If your answer is yes then it’s the tip of the iceberg about creating your life. Were you involved in choosing the décor of where you live? Did you buy a car? Were you the one that ate your last meal? Did you go to work today? Did you not go to work today? Have you had a holiday? Are you married? Do you have children? Who buys your clothes? Who wears your clothes? Are you getting the idea? By your choices you are helping create your life.

We make choices all the time, though we are not too aware that we are making choices, we just make them automatically. You may notice how many men switch off when their partners are talking at them or that some women do the same when their partner is talking about cars or football. How often do we let others make decisions on our behalf because we percieve it's easier. This is the ultimate choice of handing your power of choice in to the hands of another.  

You are the one that makes the choice and with that goes the responsibility for the life you create as a consequence for those choices. Sometimes you may feel you have no choice, especially if someone is pointing a gun at your head and telling you to do something. You know that if you don’t do that something you will be shot and maybe die. Even in this situation there is a choice,

(1) do as you are told    or     (2)not do as you are told (and possibly be shot and maybe die.)

As none of us likes being shot, we rationalize that we don’t want the dying to happen so we make it a “non choice” and behave as if this choice does not exist. Later, when the situation where we made the choice passes, we say to ourselves “there was only one option so really I had no choice.” Can you think of a similar situation that’s happened to you?

When you get angry who is it that gets angry, it’s YOU. You are the one that chooses to move yourself from your previous state into that of anger. You do it in response to some external event, such as someone pushing your buttons, or from frustration because you are unable to change a situation you don’t like, such as being caught in traffic when you are running late anyway. It’s only you that chooses to be angry.

Do you ever think of things as being right or wrong, good or bad, etc., of course you do. It’s called judgement. We have actions, thoughts, experiences etc. such as doing a good deed, enjoying the beauty of a flower, having a positive thought. We judge these as being good and right. We deem these acceptable, whereas being stuck in the wrong queue, having the car breakdown, loutish behaviour etc. is judged as bad or wrong and are unacceptable. When you experience something that you have judged wrong, or bad, whatever that it may be, it makes you unhappy. You become unhappy. i.e. you have created your state of unhappiness as a consequence of judging the experience and making the choice to go there.

Have you ever thought about doing something and decided not to because you think you might not be able to do it, aren’t capable of doing it, won’t have enough money to do it? In relationships have you stayed with one partner despite not being happy because you think or feel you will never find a suitable replacement?

This type of thought and feeling is based on judgements we are making about ourselves. The feelings we have about not being good enough, or worthy to receive rewards or love. We may not be consciously aware of making them but they happen nonetheless. From our judgements we often create fear, which, though part of the automatic survival mechanism is counter productive in different circumstances. Fear is utilised by our Ego.

The OED defines Ego “.. the part of the mind that reacts to reality and has a sense of individuality.” The Ego resides in the subconscious level and is the supplier of the thoughts that come unbidden to your mind. As we grow and develop so the Ego grows. It develops it’s own sense of individuality and it’s feeling of being separate and autonomous from its host (you). It becomes ever more concerned about its own survival. The Ego perceives that it is surviving at this moment (now) and that any change from this state is a threat to its future. You making judgements, provides the Ego with tools to manipulate your thoughts and create feelings of fear. This ensures you do not change in any way, thus the Ego survives and has a continued existence.

When it feels it is necessary the Ego manipulates our thoughts. It ensures we continue to make judgements and so reinforce the reality we( & the Ego) create. We create without realizing what we are doing! Yet the Ego is fully aware of what it is doing!

How many people are doing a 9 to 5 job they don’t like yet they put up with it and resist instigating a change that may improve the situation.How many aspects of your life are you not happy with? What are you doing to about these aspects?Most people will just moan and blame external events for getting them into that situation. The reality is that they have chosen to stay there. It is their (and their Ego’s) creation.

Consider having an accident e.g. tripping over someone’s outstretched leg. Did you choose to have the trip? On a conscious level you most certainly did not. However, who chose to get up that morning and follow the path that led you to that outstretched leg? If you had been aware of the leg you would not have tripped over it, so, at some level of consciousness you chose to be unaware of that leg? . Just as the person with the outstretched leg also chose to get up in the morning and follow their path leading them to having an outstretched leg, they are the ones that made their choices, not you or anybody else. In this instance you may be aware that it was each party that contributed to the trip incident. This is a co-creation, as are all your encounters and experiences with others.

When you become aware of the world around you who sees what you see, who tastes what you taste, who smells the aromas you smell, who feels the physical things you touch, who hears the sounds you hear, who has the thoughts you have, who has the feelings you have. There is only one answer and that is YOU. It is you who has the experiences and makes the choices around the experiences.

It is you who creates your reality and your reality is all you are aware of. Awareness may range from the feelings engendered by an embrace with a loved one to starving populations in far off war torn countries.

If you are aware of it, it is part of your reality, your creation. You are responsible for it being there.

If you wish to make a lasting change to your reality the only place to make these changes is within you. You may have an experience of a new hip, or losing your sight, and such experiences will change your physical perceptions and are likely to expand your feelings but will not change them long term. Take the example of a lottery winner. Initially they feel euphoric at having hit the jackpot, but if they were unhappy before they won the lottery then the unhappiness will soon return. (This unhappiness is likely to be accompanied by guilt at having received something desired but still feeling unhappy!). If you were feeling unhappy before the physical change then the change will focus your attention on your thoughts and feelings. You will then have to choose how you feel. Your happiness or unhappiness is your choice.

Experiments have shown that we spend between 95% and 98% of our life in automatic response mode, the domain of the Ego. Your response helps create your reality.

A major personal change may be brought about by not judging. Non-judgement removes all the feelings associated with good/bad, right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable and that of guilt. It produces a state of unconditional love.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Whatever I do, I do for or to myself. Perhaps I should think before I perform actions because after the seed of action is sown I have to reap the fruit. Moreover, I do not necessarily receive only one fruit for every seed sown, I often get a whole crop, positive or negative according to the action or seed.

Terry Monnery

August 2006